I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
