I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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