Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
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