i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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