If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
