no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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