I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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