The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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