Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize