wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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