I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
