tonight lets celebrate not being married
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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