A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Randomize
