There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
