also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
