I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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