Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
