The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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