the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Pooping to opera.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
