so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
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You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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