Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
