look no pants
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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