I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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