Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
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I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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