Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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