Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
