So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize