i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
