Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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