i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
