I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
