Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
My ass is underappreciated
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
