Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
