road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
