Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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