Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
