come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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