you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
It's shark week go big or go home
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
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