And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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