Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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