the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
