I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
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sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
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My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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