Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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