I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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