Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
