her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot