Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(314): View more from Missouri

So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.

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(314): So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes. http://tfl.nu/wpyi

Replies (5) Good night (781) Bad night (2268)
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(732): View more from New Jersey

note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better

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(732): note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better http://tfl.nu/x29k

Replies (29) Good night (887) Bad night (3946)
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(864): View more from South Carolina

I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?

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(864): I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me? http://tfl.nu/6foj

Replies (4) Good night (4539) Bad night (1004)
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(256): View more from Alabama

He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.

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(256): He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front. http://tfl.nu/08qp

Replies (9) Good night (7668) Bad night (1172)
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(905): View more from Ontario

Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.

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(905): Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should. http://tfl.nu/b27t

Replies (45) Good night (9138) Bad night (2717)
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(941): View more from Florida

I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.

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(941): I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch. http://tfl.nu/0s5t

Replies (16) Good night (3021) Bad night (1272)
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me

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(+44): Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me http://tfl.nu/dbfn

Replies (9) Good night (1127) Bad night (4239)
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(978): View more from Massachusetts

My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.

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(978): My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me. http://tfl.nu/a4fn

Replies (6) Good night (2468) Bad night (658)
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(+61): View more from Australia

And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?

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(+61): And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up? http://tfl.nu/g9ke

Replies (19) Good night (762) Bad night (1832)
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(514): View more from Quebec

Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.

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(514): Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night. http://tfl.nu/qzgt

Replies (4) Good night (1215) Bad night (644)
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(907): View more from Alaska

I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter

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(907): I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter http://tfl.nu/wvk4

Replies (13) Good night (718) Bad night (596)
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(330): View more from Ohio

As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.

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(330): As yoda would say; A bitch, she is. http://tfl.nu/vx3o

Replies (3) Good night (1061) Bad night (369)
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(330): View more from Ohio

Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...

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(330): Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat... http://tfl.nu/3sal

Replies (1) Good night (646) Bad night (328)
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(763): View more from Minnesota

How about we just have a naked taco night instead?

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(763): How about we just have a naked taco night instead? http://tfl.nu/yj58

Replies (1) Good night (645) Bad night (209)
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(386): View more from Florida

And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.

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(386): And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying. http://tfl.nu/jvg5

Replies (10) Good night (1570) Bad night (238)

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