help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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