Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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