I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
