alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
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any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
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Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then