I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
