the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now