I accidentally had phone sex last night
4 words: hood of his car
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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