don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
The power of my boobs compel you
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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