UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
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