if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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