Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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